“I guess the bad can get better”

Here is an open letter to you love, 

Here we are, yet again with another post or my announcement to the whole world how much I love you. When this is out there, you will be fast asleep and snoring like a little child out of tiredness. This is another, sort of a thank you or how you make me feel. Maybe it is both? Hahaha. Okay… so….. Even after all this time you still give me the jitters and mini zoo stampede in my stomach. 

I love you and I think I have always said it too much but yes it is because you deserve every ounce of love from the world. You held me when I was down and thank you for being there even just a phone call away just to calm me down when I am in the midst of an episode. Because of you, I am still here and on the road to recovery as you helped me believe more in me and not give up.

When I ask “is this nice for me”, you would always tell me “anything you like/ love” and at that moment I thought you would not care but seeing it now, you just wanted me to be happy and thank you for that, for always making sure I still love myself and wanting me to do the things I used to love. Thank you for not making me wear any masks or put on any fronts.

When I asked to go out for snack or food in the middle of the night, you would say you’re tired and I am sorry for getting mad at you. I did not understand how much effort and work you do all day just to make sure I am still here and I do not want you to feel under appreciated because sometimes I know you would, but I want you to know that you are always loved and I appreciate whatever you have done and going to do. I may not show it, but I could write this. 

As for you, you have done so much things, so many to write about but this is what I could come up with as I am already tearing up. You love me, and you may not tell me as often as I do, but I know you do. You held my hand when I get my breakdowns, you move me lightly when I am fast asleep so that you would not disturb me. You give me forehead kisses when I always ask them. You always reply me although I can get annoying and a little crazy (okay a lot) at times. You held my hand while we walk as the small gesture of yours, you may not know this but makes me feel safe. You always try to get me involved so I would not feel left out, even thought my outburst towards you, you still try. Little things you do, I do not know how did I ever get so happy, and the reason behind it is you. 

Thank you for taking your time to wake me up in the morning, and remembering my favorite food. Thank you for calling me up and asking what do I want to eat, never failing to keep me healthy and strong. Thank you for noticing when I’m frowning because of not getting enough butterfly kisses. I notice everything, as the way you look at me at times with just admiration and a little kill (hahaha) when I beat you in games and how you call me pretty and get all excited with the wuuu sound you make when you see me. Thank you for choosing me, every single day and still with me helping me recover through my depression and hardships and insisting to be there no matter what. Thank you for always supporting my decision and being my voice of reason when I cant seem to fight. Thank you for inspiring me everyday to make the bad, better. Thank you for what you do. Thank you for loving me. 

My loudest laugh and your number one fan. I love you. 

From, shobby. 

I hope you find love. Love that is really easy. Not just a feeling, but a whole of a person. A love that comes by easily and grows more with each smile and pain. A love that comes by easily with each hugs and tears shed in a war of deciding whats right and wrong. A love that comes by and never leaves but flowers within and becomes a strong and beautiful tree.

I found an easy love and here he is, beside me, writing, deep in his thoughts and zoning out and still entertaining the silly me that gets distracted while watching over a baby thats on the opposite table. I love him. Why do I say he is easy love?

That is the real question, what is easy love? What is love?

The type of love that isn’t just a feeling but the whole of a person itself. Like when you look at them across the room, your eyes lit up like fireworks lit up on a starry night, or the type of love where there is no mixed signals instead, having to decide where to eat is the main decision, or the type of love where it is just you and him/her looking at each other and you know you each have it the best. Young should be fun and filled with love as a whole. The type of love that stays.

They say good things come unexpected and falling for you was and always will be better because no matter what, I know I will hold down during bad times like a kid scared of a thunderstorm. During my periods of breakdowns and giving up where the storm during the floods that is in me, never settles for good, he came by and did not stop the waves but waited while gently walking across the sand holding my hands, calming the storm, the same storm that wanted me to drown. As I was alone, trapped in darkness like a prison cell called my mind, he took my hand held it, and as he illuminated through the darkness, said he would be there through the pains and smiles and to this day, he still is.

If it is an easy love, no matter what risking everything you got with a love that can be difficult most times is worth the choice and effort because in the end, the love becomes easy. Like for say, take a child that has a torn up doll and the child takes it and stitches it up asking mommy for help or still cuddle it to sleep despite having it torn. That is easy love, despite hardships, the love grows and theres always gonna be a way out of the bumps or making the best out of the worse.

It makes you feel safe and even when they are not around, you still reassure yourself that they love you no matter where they are because it’s real. Because you see, love that stays doesn’t have rules to define how it goes, it just goes. This type of love exists and you do not have to go searching around for it, because simply exists there.

And you know what? Everyone deserves this type of love, because you are amazing.


4 thoughts on ““I guess the bad can get better”

  1. Hi Shobby, it’s nice to read all of this.. And glad that you have found your way to recovery. But do also please ensure that the love you feel is not getting introjected into your partner.. Love just is. Period. He is always there. Will always be there.
    To good times for you.


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